Goodbyes

SPU left today, and Beibei was a different place. Things were colder, less vibrant, the sun was gone, and in its place there was nothing but rain. I’m actually not being poetic; weather took a significant turn for the worse that day. As Beibei cried for its loss, I scavenged through their leftovers, gathering power strips and endless amounts of laundry detergent, then closed each door for the last time. It seemed strangely appropriate that these final acts of practical frugality were so marbled with sentimentality.

The dark truth is that every ‘hello’ has a ‘goodbye’ lurking in its shadow. I have grown callous in the wake of my travels, and so I was surprised at how deeply the loss still cut. I realized that while I was used to the ‘goodbyes,’ I was always the one saying them and then moving on. This may be the first time that I have been left, and I was unprepared for the feeling of abandonment and jealousy as they went on to the ‘next big thing.’

The pain, though very real, is only important in its all-consuming immediacy. It is but temporary, and I am excited for the opportunities that will be revealed in its passing. I was at a talent show hosted by the foreign students dorm, and realized how little I am involved in Southwest, and – more surprisingly – how much I feel the lack. I very much enjoyed my time with SPU, but their presence has precluded my involvement with any SPU-independent part of Southwest.

In many ways, I am back to where I was three months ago, and the world seems full of opportunities. I hope to give a much more concerted effort to my language study, as well as spend significant amounts of time with my gymnastics and martial arts friends. Beyond that there is nothing but a big question mark, and my excitement is honed by the fear of the intangible unknown.